I think it goes without saying that I’m no expert in marriage or love. But I would say that I have a very healthy and happy relationship with my handsome husband. That’s not to say we’ve never argued, or that we don’t sometimes now. But as the years go on our relationship gets stronger and better!
Here are some tips that I think have helped our marriage grow stronger. Use what you think could help your relationship, and ignore what won’t.
Do communicate! I can’t stress this enough. It’s not only important to communicate, but communicate effectively. I talk with my husband ALL the time, sometimes probably too much if you ask him. I think over the years they way we communicate has changed. We’ve learned how to talk to each other in a way that the other will listen. It’s important to make sure your partner understands what you want and what you’re trying to communicate to them.
Don’t expect your partner to read your mind. They can’t know how you feel if you don’t tell them. I use to be guilty of this. I’d be upset or concerned about something and expect Tyler to just know what was wrong. More often than not he knew something was wrong but not what was wrong. Allow them to help you by telling them how they can.
Do celebrate all the wins. Celebrate anything that’s important in your relationship. For example we’ve celebrated getting house projects done, paying off credit cards, small accomplishments at work, ect. It can be big or small but it gives you time with your partner and this can be hard to come by if you’re parents or have a busy schedule.
Don’t dwell on the small things. Tyler of course annoys me, and it’s a little more currently because you know, 9 months pregnant. But I’m still learning not to dwell on little things he does that may upset me. We talk about it and move on. It’s usually something that’s not a huge deal but we address it then try to get over it. It’s much easier to have a good day than a bad day.
Do forgive and forget. If it’s something you’re willing to move past, then do just that. I’m not telling you when you should “forgive and forget” that’s up to you.
Don’t bring up the past. This goes hand and hand with the above “do.” Whatever you’ve decided you would accept make sure you do. I am not by any means encouraging you move past any sort of domestic abuse. I am however advising you to not bring up things that you’ve decided to move past, whether it’s something your partner said, financial issues, infidelity issues, etc. I have not personally had these issues in my relationship, so I’m not sure what I’d do in the situation. But if I decided to move past it, I’d do just that.
Do schedule date nights. Tyler and I use to spend every moment together in college, and we loved it. Then after college we still spent a ton of time together we just had jobs so we were able to go out and take weekend trips more. And although we spend a lot of time together still it’s just different. A lot of time we are doing a project, running errands, working for our small business or doing things that are more business than pleasure. Since I found out I was pregnant, and since the pandemic we have spent 90% of our time at home and doing and talking all things baby. I try to squeeze in “at home date nights” when we can because I know in just a few weeks we won’t have those for a little while.
My parents had us young, and there were 3 of us. We were always busy and on a schedule. When we were really going my dad was always deployed. Maybe when we got a little older and went to bed they were able to spent time together. But I’d imagine they were tired. Make no mistake they spent a lot of time together now, but I know they missed out on alone time when we were younger, so I’d like to make sure Tyler and I have that.
Don’t neglect individual time. Yes, time as a couple is important, but it’s also important to set aside time for yourself. Starting my blog and my YouTube channel has given me a hobby that I can do on my own (sometimes with Tyler). I spend my “me time” writing for my blog and creating content for my channel. Tyler likes to be outside and watch sports, literally any sport. He’s also starting a new a project, so I’ll hopefully be discussing that soon!
Do kiss and say I love you often. This is self explanatory, yes I know Tyler loves me but he always tells me anyways. He always kisses me when he leaves, whether I’m awake or asleep and he always has to redo the kiss “if it wasn’t a good one”. He’s such a cornball but I really appreciate all the affection he shows me.
Don’t worry if you’re in a slump. Although we have a great relationship, we’ve had our time when we were in a “slump.” Know it’s temporary and figure out why you’re there so you can get out of it. Unfortunately, sometimes a “slump” is more permanent, but it’s still important to evaluate how and why you’re relationship is where it is, and decide what to do.
Do consult each other. Like I mentioned earlier Tyler and I talk often and about everything. We have our rules about when we discuss larger purchases and what we consider a larger purchase.
Don’t compare. EVER! You don’t know what another couple goes through. Even the happiest couples can go through rough patches. I would encourage you to talk with couples you have healthy relationships if you need some advice, but that doesn’t necessarily mean what works for them will work for you.
Do support each other. I’d consider myself a realist. But I’m also a dreamer and I have big goals! It means so much to be that Tyler supports me in my dreams and goals. He reads every blog, he watches every YouTube video and he always gives me constructive feedback for both. He supports me in my career choice and has truly helped me make big decisions through out my entire pregnancy. In turn I always support him in his career choices, his hobbies and anything he wants to do. Having your partner support you is the best feeling. Now if they are doing something crazy then maybe you have to talk about it. But support their dreams, it means a lot!
Don’t expect your partner to provide all of your happiness. Yes, you should be happy with your partner. But they cannot be responsible for all your happiness. You’ve got to be happy with yourself.
Do work on your relationship. I use to say relationships aren’t work, and I still think to some extent that’s true. When Tyler and I were younger our relationship was not work. It was eating out, staying up late and sex often. When we moved in together, purchased a house together and got married there was some work involved. Relationships change and grow. And it’s about to change again with baby P just weeks away.
Again, these Dos & Donts may not be relevant to your relationship. But if they help you I’m glad. The most important do that I think can help any relationship is communicate with each other, especially in a marriage. This is the person you chose to do forever with, so don’t make it difficult, talk out your arguments and have fun.
With every milestone my relationship with Tyler has gotten stronger. He is genuinely a good person who loves me unconditionally. We don’t have it all figured out but we will always figure it out together.
If you’re having trouble effectively communicating with your partner try this, discuss a topic that won’t upset you and will promote a positive discussion. Like your dream vacation or dream house goals. Ask open-ended questions to keep the conversation going, and just get some practice talking with each other.
Let me know any dos & donts of a relationship you think are important. Share them in the comments so we can all take a look.
Get ready for all the baby related posts, I’m 38 weeks now so we are expecting baby P at anytime! I’ve got a few posts lined up, so I’ll still see you here every Friday.
xo
Wifey Chat 